Shit Happens (Free write)

Shit happens

And shit doesn’t always happen the way we want it to

You get pushed around, let down, tore down and all while at your worse

And most of us just stay there

In that dark space, feeling like there’s no escape, like no one or nothing can help us

But why ?

Why must we depend on others to pull us out of our downfalls

You fall, I fall , we all fall but we gotta get ourselves back up

Stop being so dependent on others love, dedication, and support to define us

You know it is quite possible to be both the hero and the damsel in distress

The one with the S on their chest while being the one that’s depressed

So sad, disappointed, lonely and broken

Just wishing I would of made better choices and been more outspoken, about my reality

About the real me, all these insecurities that I thought embodied and defined me

I’m not pretty enough, my edges will never grow in

I’ll never be valid to cuff, I’m too endowed with sins

So focused on the negatives not considering the positives

Sometimes you gotta break yourself down to feel that wretched feeling to build yourself back up to start your healing

I am broken, hurt to my core

Because I didn’t realize all of these things before

I am beautiful and talented beyond compare

And I have so many people in my corner who actually care

Who want me to fight and who want me to win

But I gotta wanna win within

I gotta support myself, be my own cheerleader

Put down my follower cap and finally become the leader

I believed I controlled my existence with all of these decisions but I found out what I had been missing, God

Putting my trust in God has been the most comforting and warming sensation I have felt in a long time, it’s like he had opened my eyes to all the silly mistakes I’ve made

It upsets because it was him that was waiting for me, but I was too into me

Writing this with my eyes filled with tears and my heart heavy

Because if I would of put my trust in him I would of been happy

Instead of living with so much jealousy and hatred in my heart

It’s time for me to re-start

Take a step back and analyze all that I have done, didn’t seem so bad when I was telling myself I was just having fun

It’s just college, everyone is doing it

If everyone jumped off a bridge would I join in ?

No, is a word I was never okay with

Was too insecure to dare utter it

Yes man, suppressed and deflecting a lot of my emotions

Rejecting the opportunity for true friendship and true love,

Was just interested in lust & getting that quick …

Trust i regret it, all of the decisions i have made will forever be apart of me, but they will no longer define me, confine me, restrict me, stop me from who i am destined to be.

Experiences learn from them, mistakes take note

I was so insecure thinking there was no real hope that a man would respect me enough or even like me as a person

So i gave them what they wanted not realizing that i was the one that would end up hurting because i never knew what it was like to selflessly love

And once i got that opportunity, i ruined we

What we could of been, if i wasn’t constantly lying and lying to deflect myself from the truth

But shit happens and shit doesn’t always happen the way you want it too

-Strongerbynature ✨❤️

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