I hate my …

Insecurities lie within all of man kind. You are indeed and will forever be your toughest critic down to the way you look, the way you act, your job choice, friends/relationship choices as well as your decision making. I struggle with many insecurities both surface and internal. On the surface level I’ve always said that i wish i was that type of girl that could just wake up pretty and not have to put on pounds of make up to feel okay to face the world yet another day. But the question now becomes what is pretty. Well according to google it means, “attractive in a delicate way without being truly beautiful or handsome.” But what about the saying “Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder”? I believe this to be true. We all find different things and people appealing for our own personal liking. I’ve learned that no i won’t be attractive in everyone’s eyes in the world but who cares. No ones opinion of me should shape how i see my self but sadly it did and sometimes still does. I have been working on self development lately and today showed me how much i have improved. It’s a proven fact that i have keloid prone skin. I got a keloid when i got my cartilage pierced as well as when i get my sternum tattoo. So i have been feening for a nose stud piercing because i thought that it would complete my “look”. You know natural hair chic with a Tiny stud. I literally was going back and forth in my head today on whether or not i should go and get my nose pierced but once i realized how back and forth i was about it i realized that may have been gods way of dropping it in my spirit that i don’t need that negativity. I also realized that i wanted it because i truly believed in my head that it would make me look more attractive and appealing.

I’m still trying to figure out the best way to love and appreciate myself with all of my flaws and positive assets. Everything about me that i cannot change i choose to embrace & everything about me that i can change I’m working out making that change. I’m trying to rebuild my mindset from being that selfish girl that only cared about things that affected her. I want to be a selfless caring, understanding person. Because Beauty is from within. I could cake on all the make up and get all the piercings in the world that might give me that look that I’m going for but if my inside is rotten i will slowly deteriorate from the inside out. The hard work has to start from within ✨

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