This past week i’ve Been trying to hold It together. Emotionally I have been a wreck. I’m talking random crying, random mood swings, jealousy, not feeling worth it, and just asking god WHY!? I have been to a very dark place with very dark thoughts. I feel as though I don’t know myself anymore. I got so conditioned and comfortable in my life while an undergrad but a lot has changed. I’m unhappy with my job. I feel overworked and unhappy and stressed out all of time. This morning i proved how STRONG I am. I can drag myself out of that dark depressing place. Don’t get me wrong it is extremely hard and takes a lot of wishful thinking but I’m doing It. I’m still unhappy with a lot of things in my life right now but crying won’t change It, only my actions from here on out.
For years i have always felt like i NEEDED someone to hear my problems and work through my problems with me and right now i don’t have someone that is holding my hands through my problems. This is the hardest/most important time in my life because I am proving my own strength as well as developing and defining my own self love. There will be ups and downs but i gotta go through it to become stronger in the end. It’s okay to cry and it’s okay to be angry. “A bad attitude will block love, blessings, and destiny from finding you. Don’t be the reason you don’t succeed”. Don’t let precious moments with your loved ones pass you by because of your insecurities and bad attitude, because those moments are priceless and you won’t ever get them back. If you miss them, make up for them because hurt people hurt people. You may not even know It but your bad energy effects the way you treat your loved ones which will in turn effect your loved ones for the worse. You are stronger than you think.
God is not the author of confusion, so everything in my life or not in my life is for a reason. I might not understand at this point in my life but i have a feeling that I will one day.